Hi John,

Thanks for writing to us. It’s wonderful how you’ve stepped in to help you coworker while she’s out, but I understand how the situation you’ve described has become mentally and emotionally taxing. It seems like you’ve been incredibly supportive but you also need to prioritize your well-being which means knowing your limits and figuring out how to set some boundaries.

Because we don’t know how you wound up taking on the workload for you coworker and we don’t know the nature of the work you do, it’s hard to make targeted recommendations but it sounds like the first conversation you should have is with your manager to discuss the reality of your situation. Is it possible for certain projects to be given to other people, or certain tasks be deemed less necessary in either your job or hers? Ones that could be be put on the back burner until you are fully staffed again? Judging from your post, it seems like your workplace is very close-knit and friendly which might mean that others would be more than willing to chip in and help you and by extension, your coworker. Being proactive about drafting a proposed “plan of action” that offers suggestions on who you think might be best-suited to take on what responsibility and why, decreases the amount of time and effort your manager will need to take to figure out a solution which they’ll likely appreciate. It might also be useful to write a detailed summary of the daily tasks and projects you’ve acquired as well as the ones from your existing job, and the time and steps it takes to get them done.  Not only will that be helpful for you to reference during the conversation with your manager, but it helps to ensure any hand-off is seamless. I would also recommend reading our article on being an effective point person.

As for being the only point of contact at work for updates on your coworker’s condition, I see how that could take an emotional toll. The first step should be to reach out to your coworker and see if she’s okay with you sending email updates about her to your colleagues. It’s important to get her approval before sending out any written communication. If she’s okay with it, you can explain in your initial email update why you’ll start sending weekly updates. Possibly something along the lines of “Many of you have expressed concern for (name of you coworker), so I’ve asked her if it’s okay to email weekly updates to keep everyone in the loop. I’ve been happy to be the point person for questions about her, but it’s also important that I concentrate on getting work done while at the office.  Many people stop by my desk each day to ask about her, which is great, but I thought these weekly updates would be an effective way to communicate to everyone at the same time.” If you find people are still coming by too often, you can gently reiterate the above, letting them know how busy you are and you’ll be sure to let them know what’s going on in the next email update.

I hope this is helpful. If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact us at cancerandcareers@cew.org or 646-929-8032.

Kind regards,

Nicole J. Franklin, MPH

Manager of Programs

Cancer and Careers